Are you getting what you want out of life?

If your answers to the above are not a resounding “yes!”, you may be missing an important aspect of goal setting – a clear purpose.

A goal or dream, whether it’s about having a business or living life well, is a journey.  If you don’t know exactly where you want to go, it’s very hard to get there!

You would never go to the airport without knowing where you are going, even last minute package tours allow you to pick the country and the grade of accommodation.  So why  would we choose to  live our lives or run our business like that?

These days getting into the car prompts your GPS to demand – where?  Eventually if you haven’t entered a destination entered, the system defaults to the map pointing out any places you have previously shown interest in.

Part of your business or life plan, (possibly the most important part) is to decide where you are heading , a  nebulous wish for a bigger house or to make enough money to retire leaves you in just that, a cloud.

Don’t wander around without a map.

Set your Sights

Knowing what your want for your future has many advantages, including:

-           Making decisions easier

-           Showing when you are making progress or deviating from the route

-           Helping you recognize opportunities which will take you toward your goals

Define your Goal or Dream

Vision boards have become very popular in recent years but are based on using other people’s phrases and images.

One of my mentors, the wonderful Lou Tice advocates a less generic and more tangible option.  He drew the analogy of buying an unusual color car only to drive off the lot and see the color everywhere, we’ve all had it happen.  The idea is that by adding dimensionality to your dreams,  you can harness your subconscious brain to search out opportunities to bring them to fruition.    Whether or not that is actually how it works, it does keep you on track and helps you resist the urge to settle for less.  After all a vision is the picture on the front of the jigsaw puzzle box, it tells you where the pieces fit and helps drive you towards making it look that way.

So consider the car you want to drive (make/mach, model, color and options), the house you want to live in (how you want to equip and decorate it), the suite in the vacation hotel you want to stay in and the activities you will enjoy.  Get a photo of the actual thing and place it somewhere prominent, paste  a collage of the images on your office wall or scan them to your screensaver (we know you love your kids or your puppy but unless you are away at sea for 6 months you don’t need their picture there to remind you).

If you want to start or grow a business – get a picture of your ideal office setup, down to the art on the walls or the fountain in the entrance and decide the number of clients/amount of income you will need to support the staff you will hire.

If you prefer a more philanthropic option; decide what you will donate to the animal shelter or how many families or children you will support and what will you include in the gift basket(s).

Bill Gates said “I’ve had one of the luckiest situations ever – but I’ve learned that only through focus can you do world class things – no matter how capable you are.” Fortune Magazine, July 8, 2002.

Its time for you to focus on your dream!

See it, Think it, Pledge it, Do IT.  Your dream is waiting!

We are all deluged with reality programs whether on Survivor in the jungles & wild places of the world, Donald Trump’s Board Room (wild places of the world!) or the ultimate camp experience of Biggest Loser. This is the era of Reality TV and frequently of people behaving badly!

It has never been a genre which held much charm for me although I will admit to a weakness for Loser, less for the politics and game play and more for the weight loss (not that I will admit to needing to lose 5-10lb).

It has occurred to me that while these programs ‘emulate’ life and encourage ‘game play’ to increase ratings (based on he who is most controversial wins) our preference  should be to deal with ethical individuals in …reality!

When I read Jeannine Clontz’ article “An Entrepreneur’s Adventure”, I was struck with the humanity, pathos and determination of the woman.  Her adventures have been a fight to be ethically treated and a determination to ‘play the game’ the best way possible.  The journey to self actualization as well as success should be to know your strengths and weaknesses and plan accordingly.

To be able to use the learning experience as a tool for others means this is someone I wouldn’t vote off the island.

Adventures in Reality © Laine D.

Jeannine Clontz owns Accurate Business Service; a Virtual Assistant practice which specializes in providing support & assistance for professionals in real estate, public speakers, coaches and consultants.  Jeannine is an author, writer, speaker and VA Business Coach and has recently been appointed President of the International Virtual Assistants Assn.

This article may not be copied or reproduced without permission from the author.

There are some investments that are safe though, don’t worry I’m not advocating rolling over your 401K into something “safe” or taking the cash out from under the mattress to buy gold!  The investment I refer to is investing in people and applies to effort as much as money.

As we approach Mother’s Day I thought it particularly fitting that my next inspiring woman found her inspiration from her Mom & female relatives.  Leah Oviedo realized that her Mom’s idea of service, (starting a woman’s shelter) didn’t suit her but knew that she wanted to do something.  As her business grew she found her own way to invest in women.

Leah has found success in business manager and internet marketing and ran an online boutique for a number of years.  As her career has progressed and adapted she realized that she is more effective when she collaborates with other businesses.  With a background in fashion design, accounting and Internet marketing, she realized she had a talent for PR and logo design and now offers these services through Investing In Women.

Leah realized that women more than most could benefit from their own small business but are too hard pressed financially to start off on a strong footing.  Investing in Women sponsors a micro grant program for women business owners in the USA.   IIW seeks to empower women through education and appreciation and encourages collaboration between business owners.

Remember, by investing our time and effort to strengthen those around us we are actually serving ourselves too!

My work too kept me in a small office,  a subsidiary of a larger office and except for the occasional meetings and the odd educational forum the large part of my daily contact with fellow staff or clients was via phone or email.  I know people,  a lot of people and can probably say that I have had a positive impact on their lives and vice versa but they aren’t exactly local.  We don’t get to hang… as it were.

In an effort to offset this isolation I took my kids to groups, but of course that was all about them – as an older Mum I didn’t have much in common with other parents who seemed to have an average age of 28 – (not that there is anything wrong with 28 but it was a long time ago for me).  As the girls have grown older I realize that I never bothered to do anything to pursue expanding my ” village”, until recently that is.

After realizing that I wanted to inspire and network women equally isolated by their circumstances, I started working on this website.  Of course  the website and the writing have become only part of it, per the “If you give a mouse a cookie” method it becomes necessary to feed,  water and nurture the monster you have created!  I began visiting forums to find out what the H E double hockey sticks I was doing.

In the process I joined several groups and have come across a multitude of amazing people (women & men) who are passionate, purposeful and driven about what they do.  Everyone seems to have multiple facets to their lives and  a determination to give back or add to their community.   Of course I am still unlikely to recognize them walking down the aisle of the local supermarche but I ‘m lucky to have an insight into the inner workings of their soul.

Marcia Bloomberg is one of those people.  As soon as I read her introduction to our group (Connect and Collaborate on LinkedIn) I knew I had to be as eloquent as possible in entreating her to write an article.   Luckily she is also extremely warm and friendly!  so it didn’t take much – but I was willing to beg.

Having spent her life working for a variety of nonprofits, a move to a new area left her in a new environment wondering “what’s next”.    She decided to use her knowledge  of a particularly specialized niche to not only continue her service to the community but better enable others to do so.   Her warmth, kindness and passion for everything she does comes through, even in print!

I hope Marcia’s story “Passion and Purpose are the Prize” inspires you to continue on your journey with an extra spring in your step.

I   look forward to sharing the stories of other inspirational women with you.   While Marcia’s passion is the world of nonprofit,  inspiration comes in all environments:  business, art, literature, science, exploration, the environment, parenting, networking, overcoming illness, education, preservation, service, friendship etc. etc.

If you would like to share your story or the story of a woman/the women who inspired you please contact me.

As a Mom/Mum I know I’ve used it when my daughters have received something ill thought out.

How many times has a gift left you gasping not with joy but with horror? Leaving you with the feeling of being unloved or unappreciated.  Dr Gary Chapman includes gift giving as one of his Five Love Languages as a universal sign of caring, love and respect.

Is it true that it’s the thought that counts though’?

In many cases yes,  buying something nice but inexpensive is absolutely acceptable, not everyone has inexhaustible funds, especially in this economy.  Getting CZ instead of diamonds,  silver or plated jewelry  instead of gold but if someone just couldn’t be bothered but sent something as a stop gap!!!  Personally I’d rather get a card or note that said “sorry I didn’t know what to buy you, can I treat you to a coffee/lunch/dessert”.   The feeling is not quite the same if its said, and a note says they did take the time to do something.

Gift cards and checks are a necessary evil and asset especially when sent with an novel delivery.  A small plant pot with an envelope inside and instructions to “grow your own money tree” .

One of my friends laughingly talks about the family check, the one that gets passed around at holidays.

With that in mind, what is the least thoughtful (worst) gift you’ve ever received?

I once received:

a coaster (stuffed with Pot pourri)

an investment magazine.

Since these were from my significant other,  lets just say I wasn’t impressed!  Of course if he had made it a subscription or included a check for $20 – 50 or even added a nice mug and a collection of Tea I wouldn’t have been offended  (he was not in financially dire straits or anything ~ just that Washington blinks when he remembers the combination of his wallet and basically he used our title as a catchall excuse for not bothering).

Actually one Christmas  my Mother in Law once sent me – a Turkey baster.  Maybe that explains why he thought a magazine was a good gift!

What struck home was when Ray’s character goes on his first date in 20 years! At one point he is playing ‘horse’ at his date’s driveway (which I guess has something to do with matching shot for shot at a BB hoop – its a cultural gap@!)  to decide whether he is going to kiss her or not!  Pretty funny and all too true.. what are the social norms when you return to dating after a couple or three decades?  How the H E double hockey sticks do you get out there again? and once you are what do you do?

My dating experience in the last couple of years has been nothing short of pathetic, actually pathetic doesn’t even come close! Those who ask me out either look like Father Christmas/Santa Claus (nothing against the big guy, but sitting on his lap doesn’t do it for me – primarily because I don’t want to feel like I’m consigned to be chubby little Mrs Claus) or the closest they’ve ever come to a good book had a superhero on the cover. Not that I want to have discussions on Proust and Dostoevsky but it would be nice to talk to someone who didn’t think they were the next draft pick for some hockey minor league team.

My sister assures me that if I was in the UK I would be up to my elbows in men, meanwhile American men have the cheerleader complex ~ they still want to date the cheerleader who wouldn’t date them in High School.

Where do you go to meet the opposite sex? I bumped into a cute guy at the supermarket, beautiful blue eyes! seemed intelligent, said he was an engineer … all was going well and my girls (bless them) retired to the other end of the aisle, and didn’t start to fight for a change.   Fortunately,  my daughter interrupted and asked about a garden snake, (we were in the magazine aisle),  I was in mid reply saying “I think you mean a Garter snake” when Mr Wonderful piped up.. “Oh no! (he says)  she’s right,  I saw the angel tell her”. Sigh.. can you say land speed record, that’s what I broke finishing the shopping.

My plan is just to be me and go to the places that I go and (yeah! right .. not hold my breath)………….

Any one got a better idea?

Change vb  1. (We have to change the arrangements for this meeting) alter, modify, vary, reorganize, transform.  2. (She had changed completely since I last saw her) alter, be transformed, metamorphose.  3. (She has changed jobs) switch.

Hmm!  Strangely none of these phrases are negative or even vaguely scary, and oddly the sample wording is verbatim!

So why exactly are we afraid of change?   What fills us with dread?  or fear, or butterflies, or leaves us with inability to catch our breath?   Shouldn’t we be more concerned by a lack of change?  The never ending sea of sameness.   It would seem that we are not really afraid of change but rather failing at it!

My Latin is rusty but instead of Carpe Diem (seize the day) can’t we Carpe Vita (seize life) ?  Grab life by the scruff of (its) neck and shake it.

Just a thought… but Laine

Of course then I look in the mirror and wonder who that old lady is?.. that’s the time when you lift your chin, slide your index fingers along your jaw line and try to lift your ears like Dopey from Snow White to ease the crinkles at the corner of your eyes (LOL). Yes, admit it you do it too!

What happened to our youth? Did I waste it? For the longest time you have to fight to prove that you are old enough to do what you want.. getting carded etc. I remember getting stopped in my sports car because the Bobby (Police Officer) thought I was too young and must have nicked it!

In my case I looked like I was in my late teens until I was about 30 ~
and then suddenly this Lady is looking back at me from the other side of the mirror.

Sigh! no regrets ~ I enjoyed myself in order to get those smile lines, and the odd Grey hair that avoids the tweezers (my bathroom mirror has lights all around and the Grey hairs like to wave!) so its not the color I object to, it’s the fact that they are far more ’social’ than the rest of my hair! Honest.

Nothing that a vat of good face cream and a bunch of facial exercises can’t fix! Maybe I’ll try out to be a cougar.