Tuesday, July 25, 2017

A Slight Change in Perspective ~Invisible or Ninja?

October 22, 2010 by  
Filed under Just me

It’s ironic that we think of ourselves as teaching our children when I’d have to admit that many of my most valuable lessons have been learned FROM mine.

The other day I described myself as being ‘invisible’, only in reference to a close encounter with an electronic door which didn’t  ‘see’ me (not like I’m so skinny or anything… I wish!…).

On reflection I realized that I have felt invisible at times, I think we all have.  There are days, weeks, even decades when we feel under-appreciated, unloved, unnoticed, unremarkable or all of the above.  What surprised me though, was that it was the less ebullient of my teenage daughters who leapt to my defense  saying  “We’re not invisible, we’re Ninja’s!

Invisible Woman by Marvel Comics artist Steve McNiven

Invisible Woman by Marvel Comics artist Steve McNiven

Like most people, there have been  moments in business and social interaction where my presence has been ‘discounted’,  since someone ‘assumed’ that I did not have anything to add or lacked a particular skill-set.

I’d  also have to admit  I haven’t always stepped up to disabuse them, not because of any inability or lack of determination on my part but even the slightest hesitation can be enough to lose the moment ~ and once gone it isn’t easy to reclaim.

However, things are changing, as I’m going through this journey of rediscovery and reinvention it becomes hard to see any trace of reticence, hesitation or self doubt.

Whether you call it living ‘out loud’ or ‘on purpose’ or ‘with passion’  I can’t say for sure but it definitely an improvement on the alternative.

Recently while I was  ‘rescuing’  a woman thrown over the handlebars of her dirt bike 12 miles off road, the situation was jeopardized when a passerby walked up and decide to haul her to her feet while I was stabilizing her injuries (she had radius and ulna fractures and possible head/neck/back injuries from the acrobatics and losing her helmet).   A quick hand on his arm and whisper of “back injuriesstopped him dead in his tracks and turned him into a veritable pussycat, well okay grouchy old sour puss but he got the point! My daughters were awestruck at my taking charge (despite them knowing I was on a mountain rescue team, it seems they had to witness it themselves to believe) they somehow realized I didn’t have time to deal with them but remained calm and took orders like pros without hesitation  ~ not easy when you haven’t been in that situation before.  When our convoy reached the nearest ambulance station, the crew affirmed how vital it was that ‘we’  safeguarded the injured woman’s spine, and Mr Sour Puss accepted the praise, shook my hand and thanked me!  The point is that despite an almost 20 year hiatus I didn’t hesitate or doubt my abilities and because I didn’t neither did anyone else!

Attitude becomes important in other areas too, as a woman of a certain age I’ve long realized that I’m basically wallpaper (background image) to men between 25 and 45 as I’m ‘outside’ their target market.  I remember an episode of “30 Something” years ago where the protagonists bemoaned being invisible to women in their late teens and twenties and recall laughing.  Only to discover what they meant in my forties 😛 … I’m now on the high end of the age range for a MILF, yet surprising with this new mindset comes a new dynamic,  the strange phenomena of younger men seeking a cougar,  so far the opportunities have been ones  I’m happy to resist but…who knows….. and more importantly if confidence and belief in yourself has this sort of effect what else can it do?

How a slight change in perspective can make a huge difference.

Back to the lesson,  I’ve been trying to instill confidence in my daughters for years, never sure IF they got it.  It would seem that the pupil has surpassed the master ~ wise grasshopper!

While it’s okay to hide your light when you are in stealth mode

~don’t forget to let it shine the rest of the time!

&

~Never let anyone steal your thunder!

Female Ninja by Saga 16_pawnzor

Female Ninja by Saga 16_pawnzor

Try it and see how it works for you! 😀 All thanks to my quieter daughter, I’ll have to keep my eye on that one!

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Comments

17 Responses to “A Slight Change in Perspective ~Invisible or Ninja?”
  1. Paul novak says:

    Hmm. Reminds me of how I used to enjoy being underestimated because I was always the quiet one. I can remember all the unqualified and unproductive people I used to watch at work trying so hard to look important and impress everyone, also known as “ass kissing”, while I just kept on keeping on and to put it bluntly , running circles around them. Later, it was interesting all the animosity that appeared when I received promotions and they ended up answerable to me;)

    There are times when it is best to be unnoticed. When you aren’t perceived as competition, a threat, or in some way a possible obstacle to someone elses ambitions, you are much better situated to take stock and work with the situations. People tend to be more careless and make the mistakes that allow you to surpass them and learn what NOT to do.

    Great post as always. Really enjoy reading.

  2. admin says:

    Ohh Paul,

    As usual you ‘get‘ the subtext ~ stealth mode definitely works 😀 (note to self: look at older daughter a little more closely 😉 ) but, as you’ve proven when you are ready to decloak then the world is at your feet.

    Georgia Fieste (Fiesty Coach) and I had a conversation about this recently … I said you have to be ready to dominate and she originally thought I was talking of suppressing others. It’s not, its an attitude. Marilyn Monroe is quoted as saying “would you like me to be her” and could go with almost the flick of a switch from someone you could walk past to someone with an incandescent glow. We all have that power in different ways and need to be ready to use it!

    The compliment means a lot coming from you, I love reading your blog!
    Laine

  3. inka says:

    I applaud any positive outlook. If you have to give yourself a pep talk or a pat on the shouklder, so be it, but never waver in your can-do attitude. As for woman of a certain age: that’s what I am too and that’s who I want to motivate to travel with my blog http://www.glamourgrannytravels.com. It would be lovely if you would take a look and even lovlier if you liked what you see.

  4. I used to be the quiet one at school, the perfect one at home, and then got bold!! It took me a while to learn to let other people barge in.

  5. Diane says:

    Stealth mode, yes that’s it. I’ve used that many times and it does come in handy. When you step out of it, it can cause quite a stir and even animosity as Paul said.

    I was in a meeting today in stealth mode.I think introverts are often there. But the time to step up came when the meeting divided into smaller discussion groups. My partner was surprised at the conversation and when time came to switch to another partner we just kept on talking.

    You can hide your light under a bushel but once in a while you have to push it aside and dazzle them.

  6. I agree attitude is everything and once I realised that I too stopped feeling ‘invisible’ – except in situations regarding cars where I feel I still get the ‘you’re only a woman’ attitude so I just let Chaz do the car stuff.I like being a ninja though. You should be adding these posts to my blogger group woman!
    Louise Edington
    International Aupair Finder!

  7. admin says:

    I think you are getting less and less invisible in any aspect every day! As for cars…. I just research them to death, helps being a ‘petrol head/top gear junkie’.

    You see I haven’t got a Chaz to deal with that stuff so… I get to do it! Always interesting especially when someone tries to BS me… then my inner Ninja (or maybe its geek) takes a hand.

    If I could work out how to put this up on the Blogger group I would ~ can’t find the link thing Oi!

    😀 TTFN
    Laine

  8. admin says:

    Diane,

    Absolutely! As Paul so rightly said sometimes that is used to absolute advantage. I used it this week on Tech support ~ telling them I couldn’t possibly install the replacement screen on my 2 month old laptop ~ so would it be possible to replace the whole thing? I was dealing with Asian men who don’t deal well with strident women, so I played the little woman. My bad but… its 2 months old for the love of mike!

    Sometimes best to go stealth until you get the lay of the land and then…. be ready to strike.

    Look forward to reading your blog again soon
    Laine

  9. admin says:

    Oh yes Rosanne, When boldness is hard won it does take some effort to dial it down again 😀

    I can see in your fiction that you have played both roles since you understand them so well.
    Cirs!
    Laine

  10. admin says:

    Inka,

    My assertive nature has never been far away… just not in that forum for a while, one tends to get rusty is one doesn’t use the skill set.

    Enjoyed the stories of your travels too.. We lived in Europe, Asia and now my girls are getting older I’m looking forward to going further afield again. We are more the adventure holiday types and even circumnavigated Corfu with the girls when they were toddlers. We’ve also enjoyed diving in Catalina, spelunking in lava tubes in Flagstaff and white water rafting on the Colorado River. Key West and diving in warm waters might be an option to consider though!

    Happy trails
    Laine

  11. Hi Laine – Browsing around for the first time! Found my way here after you left a post on my site The Reflective Writer (you were hiding for just a bit in spam, but I discovered you there!) What a delightful and varied site.

    Sometimes I really enjoy invisibility–being out in the world as an observer but keeping myself separate and undisclosed. But don’t like when I feel it’s done “to” me. (And definitely don’t like when it’s because of age!!)

  12. admin says:

    Hi Judy, Thats me ~ hiding in plain sight :D.

    Glad you rescued me from the spam and found your way here, ironically your article was about being unseen too.

    I didn’t want this site to reflect just one voice or even just one person (as we all tend to play multiple roles) and realizing that sometimes people want a short read and other times need more depth…. We all need encouragement and for each of us there is ‘one’ story which will make that connection, that is the idea!

    I’m with you in that I don’t mind being under the radar but I hate to be dismissed whether it is due to age or sex.

    Look forward to visiting again soon your place or mine.
    Laine

  13. Laine – there’s a bit at the top in the group with ‘share’ and then ‘link’ – click on that and post a URL to a blog post

  14. admin says:

    Hi Louise,
    Gosh you’re busy.. I will do that Thank you!
    Laine

  15. I love this post. I’m having flashbacks to feelings of invisibility…and thankfulness for embodying the ninja now. Age is such a wonderful thing…it delivers the rare gift of not caring what anyone else thinks. This is good stuff…can’t wait to see what else you got.

  16. I love this piece, Laine! You had us laughing out loud thinking about your close encounter with the door!
    We certainly all feel this way (invisible) at times, especially us “women of a certain age”. But I love your attitude and humor. As Atticus would say, you are able to “just think like a dog”! And that’s a Pawsitive perspective!

  17. admin says:

    Thanks Darcie,

    Life is a fog interspersed with moments of complete clarity!
    The funny thing is I really wasn’t feeling invisible that day but my oldest’s comment set me back on my heels and led me to a slight shift that made a huge difference.
    So I will recenter myself to be still and think Ninja!

    Looking forward to reading more in Wealth spa being in control of your finances is surely a skill worthy of a Ninja.

    Laine

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