Wednesday, January 17, 2018

My Laptop has Lo-Jack

September 28, 2010 by  
Filed under Just me

What an amazing thing, my laptop has Lo-Jack! I got a confirmation email to prove it. Then today I received another email, informing me that since my laptop had not been ‘in touch’, Lo-Jack may not be able to locate said laptop should a theft occur – very nice of them to warn me. The email went on to allay my fears, telling me that if this (think: E.T. not phoning home) was because it was not hooked up to the internet I shouldn’t worry, the system would update once it was, very kind :).

How incredible, a virtual guard dog for my Dell (also red and not yet named!) – I have visions of a spandex clad superhero standing with legs spread standing on the array of an satellite in geosynchronous orbit watching with hawk-like intensity (ok, …so I don’t get out much).

However, when you consider the priorities in our lives rather a disproportionate response (not the superhero – the Lo-Jack), don’t you think? In my defense, I did not choose to buy the service, rather it was provided as standard with purchase and yet you have to pay extra for a business version of Office...hmmmm %).

After personalizing my car (Ruby, a red Honda CR-V) or rather my GPS (Bitchin’ Betty) in my last post, it must be said that my car does not have Lo-Jack – unless the aforementioned Betty kicks into overdrive and nags any potential thief to death.

Neither do my children or my pistol or the other pieces of easily portable and expensive ‘kit’ in my life (in the case of the kids, portable and EXTREMELY expensive). All of which, could probably greatly benefit from this type of tracking.

Which only leaves me to concluded, that as long as my laptop is hidden in my car, or my children are with (read: superglued to) my laptop – then everything else is copasetic.

I wonder can I get a Lo-Jack for my keys, my cell phone and the remote? Maybe a GPS would do –nah! Then Betty would nag me to death for not remembering where I left them.

Oh the absurdity of modern life! we seem to value (track) our equipment more than we do our children … humanizing our property (my kids named them! honest) while our kids are bent on mechanizing or should that be cyberizing (?) themselves. I actually sat between two teens recently, both were texting only to find they were ‘talking’ to each other!



9 Responses to “My Laptop has Lo-Jack”
  1. Haha. Nice post. I love how you tied it in to Betty.

  2. Hi Laine,

    I doubt you want Betty tracking anything based on your GPS post! Keep us posted if you decide to put chips in the kids or bar code your weapons.


  3. admin says:

    Hi Dennis,

    Betty is my rock! :) A nagging rock but a rock 😀

    A great character to add to your kaleidoscope, don’t you think? Humanized equipment while children increasingly become creatures of cyberspace incapable of speech and just texting.

  4. admin says:

    Ohhh Chris, when you put it that way it sounds very Orwellian 😀

    I can see the sense in it but also the absurdity. Valuing stuff over children (which we both know cost waaaaayyyy more) 😛

  5. Patty says:

    “If” your kids are super-glued to your laptop, wouldn’t the laptop need to be online for Lo-jack to track and find your kids and laptop. And if your laptop is online, couldn’t your kids email you and tell you where they are? Or maybe Skypee you? Just some thoughts from a broad.

  6. admin says:

    Hmmm you may have a point – 😀 I think it just has to update regularly to find a baseline of where the ‘puter is normally kept. Other than that if someone switches it on (like a cell phone) the global positioning and triangulation is possible. Of course the truth is its just another thing in my life that makes demands – “update my software now” even if it is in a polite email (who knew)!

    Having a big red laptop glued to their back would certainly make them more visible ;D

    In real life all cell phones have GPS in them and they are teens so never far from their cell phone – I think they sleep with them. If your a fan of LLCool J’s & David Boreanis you would know tha! Yeah right, you just watch for the Forensic Anthropology! He he) My problem is whenever I try to call the girls, they are ‘out of charge or signal’ (and yet seem to have enough of both for texting – convenient heh!) The truth is, as with all teens they can only speak when there thumbs are moving :P!

    Hope things are going well and you join us again soon.


  7. Doc Sheldon says:

    Hi, Laine-

    Another great, not-so-tongue-in-cheek piece!

    It’s funny how we’ll name our car, boat and various other pieces of property, engrave our SSN on them, install Lo-Jack on our laptop and cross-cut the first two rounds in the cylinder, all in the name of security.

    Yet we’ll let our hormonally overdosed, underdressed kids pile twelve deep into a car with only four seatbelts, and disappear over the horizon in a cloud of dust (and a hearty, Hi-ho, Silver?), with nothing but a cell phone, which they will NEVER answer when it’s US calling!

    Maybe we should compromise, and try to afford our kids the same level of security.

    Yes, I think that’s the answer! I hereby declare today, October 5th, 2010, First Annual Carve Your SSN on Your Kid’s Butt Day!

    And then, just for good measure, duct-tape their thumbs together!

  8. admin says:

    Hey Doc,

    I haven’t gone quite so far as the SSN yet but the duct tape might work.

    Luckily my oldest (who is now of driving age) is directionally challenged and prefers to be chauffeured by me.

    Reminds me that I told them if ever they ever want a tattoo, they will have to do it ‘plate’ style. The oldest will get “Made in Korea” on hers and the youngest can claim “Made in Corfu”. Then with the pain in their sit upon, they may realize tattoo’s are only for sailors and unless they’re joining the Navy that doesn’t mean them! So far just the threat has been sufficient.

    I may have to waive the prior rule for the SSN – October 5th hmmm … “this belongs to……….” , definitely could work!

    Keep you mind sharp, you heart open and your gun loaded!


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